J. BIAZA Funny Status Messages

   Insanity means never having to say “I'm Guilty”.

   I've had to cancel my impotence clinic appointment. Something's come up.

   [seen above a urinal] Your child's future is in your hands.

   I saw a sign on the door of a Wal-Mart that said “It is illegal to set off fireworks inside the building.” I really wish I had been there on the day they decided it was necessary to post that.

   My car smells like if you were somehow able to get inside a potato.

   Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

   I always say the things better left unsaid.

   I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them.

   If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!

   If you're cooking alphabet soup on the stove and leave it unattended, it could spell disaster.

   Not even Clint Eastwood could make a Segway cop look bad a$$.

   Who stopped payment on my reality check?

   It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.

   99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Problems solved.

   Watching depression medication commercials makes me depressed. I'm just glad herpes commercials don't have the same effect.