ff1241 Funny Status Messages
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Drinking is a problem only if you're not good at it. To me, everything you listed is proof that I am very good at it.” 
Taboo jeopardy is a lot more fun to play. Maybe because I know the answers.
If your on a dating website and didn't post a picture of yourself. It should be mandatory to disclose the amount of teeth you will show up with in you mouth on the first date.
This whole being a responsible adult thing sucks.
says If two morons fall in love I could care less, but for the love of God please DON'T reproduce and make more of you. There are enough idiots in this world without you making more.
If this were Lord of the Flies, you'd be dead already.
not sure why any man would be in a polygamist relationship just increases the odds of having a psycho ex wife.
Have you ever done something so stupid that you blamed it on being drunk when you were totally sober just so you looked like less of a dumb ass.
thinking up new and creative ways to kill zombies.
When starting an IV on a patient do NOT refer to the big IV needles as lawn darts.
I wish people would understand I only sing when I'm drunk and that little shot of wine in church just doesn't cut it.
Snowman hunting is good training for the zombie apocalypse.
Apparently if you have my good looks and go to a nude beach everyone gets jealous and they make you put your clothing back on.
Would like like to thank all the women that lowered their standards and went out with me on a date.
I'm sorry, I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. Please speak up.
Sometimes I need to recheck my facebook account to remember what I did this past weekend.
Women + yoga pants = WIN!
Just an FYI no one wants to date a b1tch even if your good looking.
We fought wars so we wouldn't care about royal weddings.
So you call yourself an adult but I bet you can't sleep with the closet door open just a little bit because you think someone might be looking at you like the boogieman. [Search Results] [View All Messages]