m Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon My wife says "YOU'RE DRUNK!" like it is a bad thing.
←Rate | 08-14-2013 14:19 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon The older I get the more use I have for the phrase "bite me."
←Rate | 07-01-2013 17:00 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon When the morning hits your eye like a big smelly cow pie.... That's A-Mon-dayyyyyy......
←Rate | 08-10-2015 09:29 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon never trust a fat guy to guard your fries while you go to the men's room.
←Rate | 02-01-2013 11:08 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pepper spray and a restraining order just takes all of the romance out of the relationship.
←Rate | 07-18-2013 17:19 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon Hey people tin high-crime neighborhoods; How's that "Snitches get stitches" mantra working for you?
←Rate | 12-05-2014 13:22 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Anyone that eats 6 tacos instead of running will soon be running whether they like it or not.
←Rate | 06-27-2013 11:40 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon There's a word for people like you and that word is "leave."
←Rate | 07-15-2013 14:09 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon I don't understand prescription medication commercials because if I have to tell the doctor what medications I need then a new doctor.
←Rate | 11-13-2014 16:11 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Baseball, hot dogs, apple pie and Chevrolet recalls....
←Rate | 07-04-2014 07:49 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's hard to find a good air guitar these days.
←Rate | 06-18-2015 07:29 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Monday is like canned spinach...I can can deal with it but I'd prefer something else.
←Rate | 07-15-2013 09:27 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon I wish cancer would get cancer and die.
←Rate | 01-28-2013 11:50 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The good thing about this country is we have freedom of speech...the bad thing about this country is we also have Michael Moore.
←Rate | 01-26-2015 16:53 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon I got fired from my job at the restaurant for putting a load in the dishwasher... she was cute.
←Rate | 10-11-2013 16:41 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon The tattoos girls lower back should all read; "This Side Up."
←Rate | 06-27-2013 10:56 by m Comments (0)  

   messageicon never give up...often success is just a step away!
←Rate | 01-31-2010 14:39 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon Cliff diving? No thanks. I get all of my near death thrills by disagreeing with the wife.
←Rate | 08-05-2014 16:59 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon How about when you're in line at The Walmart and they herd ya over to express checkout and the people behind you get all pissed off.
←Rate | 03-31-2011 18:51 by M Comments (0)  

   messageicon My therapist told me I need to live every day as if it were my last. So, here I sit, eating a pint of my favorite ice cream and weeping.
←Rate | 09-29-2014 15:10 by M Comments (0)  

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