hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 34, looking for some action!", so I sent her my ironing, that'll keep her busy.
←Rate | 10-14-2012 07:39 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will never understand why my fridge has a drawing of a carrot on the beer drawer.
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:03 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kim Kardashian is reportedly overeating while pregnant to secure a lucrative weight loss deal. Didn't her sex tape already prove she'll put anything in her mouth to make money?
←Rate | 04-17-2013 12:11 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need to talk to you” is the one sentence that has the power to make you remember every bad thing you've ever done in your life
←Rate | 01-08-2012 08:15 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's no better reminder to visit your dentist than a trip to Walmart.
←Rate | 12-27-2011 17:14 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon freak people out in public restrooms by saying "come in" when they knock on the stall door
←Rate | 11-27-2012 05:07 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
←Rate | 12-02-2012 03:40 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's nothing more awkward then asking "who is this" when getting a heartfelt holiday text.
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:58 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wonder if one day somebody will ever come and knock on my door and tell me “Hey we have 7 mutual friends in facebook", Can I come in?
←Rate | 09-18-2011 10:10 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon So I've never done cocaine, but I have a question. Why do people do it in the bathroom? If you were doing a drug that you had to sniff really hard to do, isn't someplace where people poop not the ideal place?
←Rate | 12-03-2012 19:42 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Everybody knows that door handles spread disease but when I started a business to clean them and called it Knob Jobs all I got were creepy phone calls
←Rate | 06-06-2013 14:01 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just turned my keyboard upside down and shook it over my desk and now I don't have to go grocery shopping for at least two weeks.
←Rate | 03-19-2013 08:25 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm starting to think I'll never be old enough to know better.
←Rate | 01-03-2012 04:52 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sure it looks like an innocent candy cane now, but give me 5-7 minutes and it'll be a dagger I can take out my enemies with.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 18:35 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.
←Rate | 11-04-2011 19:42 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Whenever there's an awkward silence, try whispering, "Did you forget your line?"
←Rate | 12-26-2011 07:57 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm surprised more people don't Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
←Rate | 11-28-2012 04:55 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once, I wish WebMD would tell me "relax...it's only gas".
←Rate | 12-27-2011 04:38 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon Went by the bank today and the female teller was flirting with me which was weird considering she saw my account balance.
←Rate | 10-26-2012 16:58 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have Attention Deficit Disorder. I get distracted easily because my head..... SHOULDERS, KNEES, AND TOES!! KNEES AND TOES!!
←Rate | 08-21-2011 09:12 by hihuggiehi Comments (0)  




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