Psycho Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon I heard Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.
←Rate | 06-16-2016 08:12 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon When I have a tough decision, I ask myself... "What would Jesus do?" Then, I remember how things turned out for him... And, flip a coin.
←Rate | 06-20-2014 00:31 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon A serial killer, that only targets couples in matching outfits.
←Rate | 10-19-2015 14:12 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon As a kid you could get excited by small stuff: findin a body, pokin it with a stick. Now you gotta poke 10 bodies with 12 sticks just to feel anythin.
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:15 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Nothing like a little chloroform and some duct tape to hold a relationship together.
←Rate | 11-04-2017 00:23 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon If I stalked you any harder you'd be a missing person by now.
←Rate | 12-17-2014 11:31 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon [breaks apart couple holding hands] You're free now
←Rate | 12-19-2014 04:15 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon If it wasn't for my excitement to hate someone new I wouldn't leave my bed in the morning.
←Rate | 04-24-2015 02:31 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon I can't make you love me, but I can hold your head underwater until you stop breathing.
←Rate | 05-13-2017 11:57 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon My gf always takes a "long bath" after a Ryan Gosling movie. I don't get it, but it does give me plenty of time to beat off to Ryan Gosling.
←Rate | 07-04-2014 13:23 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon a wheelchair is just grocery cart to a cannibal
←Rate | 11-16-2015 12:15 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon When there's a new woman at the house, and the dog doesn't stick his nose in her crotch, then I pass too.
←Rate | 10-27-2017 15:08 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon We can put a man on the moon but we can't put a cat in the dishwasher
←Rate | 09-30-2014 13:28 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Its safe to visit my FB page friends. That smell is now gone.
←Rate | 04-04-2015 01:14 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon A cop pulled me over this morning but let me go. Maybe these man boobs aren't all bad after all!
←Rate | 02-10-2015 15:48 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon If you make eye contact with yourself while brushing your teeth in the mirror you have to swallow.
←Rate | 11-02-2017 01:30 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think I'll feel much better once I beat someone to death.
←Rate | 08-22-2016 04:59 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon No, I don't want to hold your baby. It looks sticky.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 00:30 by psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon [Jesus at Last Supper] *breaks bread* This is my body *pours wine* This is my blood *opens jar of mayo* Judas: I'm gonna stop you right there
←Rate | 01-31-2015 09:48 by Psycho Comments (0)  

   messageicon Did you know :Relationship Without Sex Helps you Focus on the Most Important things in a relationship like Cheating
←Rate | 08-20-2017 07:11 by psycho Comments (0)  

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