Funny Status Messages Search

X says Don't let your past tell you how to live your present and future!

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-09-2012 02:01 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Never apologize for your greatness but more importantly, never over-exaggerate or fabricate your own greatness.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-09-2012 07:00 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says My local post office uses four checkouts unless it's really busy; then they use one.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-09-2012 07:20 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says I don't know what you see in me, but daily I'm thrilled that you see whatever it is that you see.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-10-2012 13:47 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-11-2012 14:25 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says My friends and I used to get high on gas vapour, but we now just smoke crack, it's cheaper.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-11-2012 14:33 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says I am sick of women saying men can't multi task! I can tell my wife that her ass don't look fat in those jeans and keep a straight face at the same time.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-12-2012 14:00 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says There's no sex like the ‘we haven't had it for awhile' kind of sex.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-12-2012 22:47 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Show me where it hurts and let me kiss it.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2012 14:19 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says My wife says it's disgusting to piss in the bath, I suppose I should wait until she gets out.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-13-2012 15:33 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Ladies: Before you marry a guy, ask yourself, "will he be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?"

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 09:54 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Rose are red, Violets are blue, Babe you're single, Cause I am dumping you.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-14-2012 09:56 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Patient.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-15-2012 08:49 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says You need a best friend you can have sex with.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-16-2012 14:16 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Put your crash helmet on love, because you're going through the headboard.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-18-2012 14:44 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during 'If I could turn back time' does she think about killing Hitler.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-20-2012 13:26 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Happy Birthday Weed!

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-20-2012 13:27 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-20-2012 13:30 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Strenuous exercise needlessly increases your heart rate and squanders finite heartbeats. Have sex instead.

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-20-2012 13:42 by Nobody Comments (0)

X says Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk

<--Rate | Submitted: 04-20-2012 14:43 by Nobody Comments (0)