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X says Don't let your past tell you how to live your present and future!
X says Never apologize for your greatness but more importantly, never over-exaggerate or fabricate your own greatness.
X says My local post office uses four checkouts unless it's really busy; then they use one.
X says I don't know what you see in me, but daily I'm thrilled that you see whatever it is that you see.
X says My favorite coffee in the morning is the one where no one talks to me while I drink it.
X says My friends and I used to get high on gas vapour, but we now just smoke crack, it's cheaper.
X says I am sick of women saying men can't multi task! I can tell my wife that her ass don't look fat in those jeans and keep a straight face at the same time.
X says There's no sex like the ‘we haven't had it for awhile' kind of sex.
X says Show me where it hurts and let me kiss it.
X says My wife says it's disgusting to piss in the bath, I suppose I should wait until she gets out.
X says Ladies: Before you marry a guy, ask yourself, "will he be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?"
X says Rose are red, Violets are blue, Babe you're single, Cause I am dumping you.
X says What do you call a man who expects to have sex on the second date? Patient.
X says You need a best friend you can have sex with.
X says Put your crash helmet on love, because you're going through the headboard.
X says I'm not suggesting Cher is a nazi, but at no point during 'If I could turn back time' does she think about killing Hitler.
X says Happy Birthday Weed!
X says The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
X says Strenuous exercise needlessly increases your heart rate and squanders finite heartbeats. Have sex instead.
X says Two types of people that annoy me: Drunk people when I'm sober. Sober people when I'm drunk