Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
←Rate | 03-20-2013 14:23 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Don't be Jealous of Me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes you'd probably need year of therapy.
←Rate | 05-07-2011 03:02 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon The only part I believed in the movie Titanic was when she wouldn't move her fat ass over and let Jack on the raft with her.
←Rate | 10-02-2012 10:07 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Men resolve a fight with a fist fight. Women resolve a fight with years of backstabbing, name calling, rumor spreading & social exclusion.
←Rate | 10-19-2012 09:07 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon My level of sarcasm has reached a dangerous level where even I don't know if I'm kidding or not.
←Rate | 04-21-2013 12:33 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon I think all women who say, "All men are Jerks" mean to say, "All the men I chose to date are jerks" or put simply, "I am attracted to jerks"
←Rate | 05-17-2011 13:07 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know, Microsoft, if you had called it Bang instead of Bing, you'd have destroyed Google. Example: I just Banged Catherine Zeta Jones.
←Rate | 01-24-2013 13:51 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon RANDOM FACT: Having eye contact for more than 6 seconds without looking away or blinking reveals a desire for either sex or murder.
←Rate | 03-12-2012 14:41 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Dear Lord; If my happiness bothers some people, please give them their own happiness so they wont bother hating on mine.
←Rate | 05-02-2012 14:26 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon You know we're in a recession when they start making game shows where the winner gets a job.
←Rate | 02-05-2013 08:40 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Sometimes I fake dumbness just to see how far people will go with their lies.
←Rate | 08-02-2011 02:35 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon My poker face is when I'm standing in the express lane with 16 items.
←Rate | 10-03-2012 10:14 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon RECYCLING RULE 101: if no one saw what clothes you were wearing today, its totally fine to wear them again tomorrow.
←Rate | 04-15-2013 14:11 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Just because someone smiles a lot doesn't mean they're nice or they like you. Take alligators for example.
←Rate | 03-07-2013 13:38 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon "Bros before hoes" sounds like something a bro without a hoe would say.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 16:19 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon ‎"Give it to me!" she said, "I'm so wet, give it to me right now!" And I replied, “Screw you, it's my umbrella!”
←Rate | 04-29-2012 12:22 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

   messageicon Be the girl that all the guys want. Not the girl all the guys HAD.
←Rate | 08-22-2011 13:59 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Three Apples changed the world. The first one tempted Eve, the second inspired Newton and the third was offered to the world half eaten by Steve Jobs. RIP
←Rate | 10-06-2011 02:29 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon ME: "I wasn't that drunk!" MY FRIEND: “Dude, you asked your girlfriend if she was single.”
←Rate | 06-19-2011 02:44 by KISSTOPHER Comments (0)  

   messageicon Life is just a series of obstacles preventing you from taking a nap.
←Rate | 12-23-2012 03:56 by Kisstopher Comments (0)  

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