JeremyCakes Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon With today being St Patricks day,I've decided to dedicate my life to helping leprechauns clean up thier act. They're always smoking the pot at the end of the rainbow.
←Rate | 03-17-2010 19:01 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was asked today, " Jeremy, should I dye my beard and get rid of the grey hairs? Or do I look better with the greys?" So I looked this person right in the eyes and said "Aunt Shirley, you really should just shave it! You look like Chewbacca's sister!"
←Rate | 02-23-2011 21:35 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I used to be afraid to fart in front of my new girlfriend. But today I just decided to let a big one go. She didn't mind. Her dad however was disgusted. The rest of the people at the funeral weren't too pleased either.
←Rate | 08-01-2010 16:09 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I woke up this morning and turned on the tv. This tv evangelist was on and he said"you may not know this, but already you have SINNED." I said what could I have done? I just woke up.I'm not even out of bed. I turned and asked my sister and she didn't know
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:59 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon My kid won't listen and my wife won't shut up! Bye bye Sanity. It was nice knowing you.
←Rate | 08-28-2010 20:47 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Canada has never made and weapons of mass destruction. We don't need them. Canada has poutine and Justin Beiber. If we make our enemies eat poutine and listen to some Beiber cds, we'll do more damage to thier arteries and eardrums than WMD's ever could.
←Rate | 07-14-2010 09:34 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Well another gold for Canada in hockey. Gotta love it! You americans played a good game but this was our night. But you americans don't need to feel bad, one of your teams will probily be bringing home the Stanley Cup, so it kinda evens out.
←Rate | 02-28-2010 18:27 by JeremyCakes Comments (5)  

   messageicon Charlie Sheen has been giving people advice on sobriety. Hmm, that's kind of like Tiger woods or Jessie James giving advice on how to be a good husband.
←Rate | 02-18-2011 15:27 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Fortunatly the end of the world didn't occur today. Sam and Frodo managed to reach Mount Doom and destroy the ring of power. Golemn didn't make it though.
←Rate | 05-21-2011 21:15 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Aaron Hernandez is going to jail as a Tight End and will leave jail as a Wide Receiver
←Rate | 06-26-2013 11:19 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Never open a email with the attachment " Charlie Sheen footage". It's not a virus or anything,but lets face it, we've all had enough of that idiot lately.
←Rate | 03-08-2011 23:18 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I was talking to my friends Tom and Dave and they said " hey, do you know Doug has two a$$holes"? I said "What???" They said "It's true. Today we were walking with Doug and we heard somebody say 'Look, there's Doug.With those two a$$holes'"
←Rate | 07-03-2010 15:31 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon using a lightsaber to chop vegitables.
←Rate | 02-03-2010 13:11 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I made sushi for my dinner today. I was missing some ingrediants though, so I substituted the fish with ham, the wasabi with mustard and the rice with two slices of bread. Yum! Good sushi!
←Rate | 03-15-2011 13:19 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I heard that old Paris Hilton song "Stars are blind" today. Still stinks! Listening to that song is probily more painful than getting a prostate exam from Freddy Kruger!
←Rate | 03-16-2011 17:55 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Pat Robertson blamed hurricane Katrina on sexual sin,he blamed the Haiti earthquake on a supposed pact with satan. We havn't had any severe disaster up here in Canada yet but he'll probily blame it on the success of Justin Bieber or Pamela anderson.
←Rate | 03-04-2010 13:53 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon It's better to have loved and lost.........than to have stayed with the witch.
←Rate | 04-24-2010 15:10 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Words of wisdom #1: Never buy brownies at Snoop Dogs bake sale.
←Rate | 03-15-2011 13:20 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon Now I'm not going to say Snoop Dog smokes alot of pot, but last night at a concert he farted and the entire first 3 rows got the munchies.
←Rate | 02-22-2011 19:41 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

   messageicon I'm swearing off energy drinks! The last one left me so buzzed,I ended up out in my yard for hours freaking out about a double rainbow!
←Rate | 03-15-2011 13:18 by JeremyCakes Comments (0)  

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