KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   Morality is doing what is right no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told no matter what is right.

   No one man has done more to bring peace to mankind than the inventor of coffee.

   My girlfriend doesn't have any superpowers, per se, but she is pretty good at making me forget my name using only her tongue.

   Yes, I will judge you by how you treat other people even if you're sweet as pie to me. Be kind or go to hell.

   Never judge a girl by her makeup!

   After being bored to death with the Royal Wedding and the Beatification of the Pope, finally something worth watching on TV. Come on CNN I want all the gory details and footage on the death of Osama Bin Laden. This I can watch for days.

   I am going to change your relationship status from “Taken” to “Stolen”

   I never drink coffee at work mainly because it keeps me awake and alert.

   Don't feel bad Westerners, somewhere there is a Chinese kid in an American restaurant struggling with a knife & fork.

   Roses are red; foxes are clever. I love your butt; let me touch it forever.

   Love doesn't cost a thing; except tears, a broken heart, wasted years and half your stuff.

   I always tell people how fat I am. Then they tell me I'm not and I feel better about myself. - MOST WOMEN

   A COMPLICATED RELATIONSHIP is born when the KING of mixed signals hooks up with the QUEEN of second thoughts.

   The couple that laughs together, stays together. If that's not a pro-weed slogan then nothing is.

   Sometimes, in a relationship, there comes a time you have to quit bullsh*tting and just shut up, swallow your pride, accept that you are wrong and apologize. It's not giving up, it's called growing up.

   After I do something I compliment myself in my mind using the voices of people I know.

   3 Jobs that changed the world: HAND, BLOW and STEVE!

   You drink a lot. You use crude language. You have low morals. You're exactly what I'm looking for in a friend!

   Weird to think we're just sixteen years away from Snooki being a grandmother.

   Men see what women do, but they never know what women think while they are doing it.