Flinnie Funny Status Messages

   When I was a kid I wanted a pet giraffe & a working lightsaber, but then I found out about boobs

   Yesterday I accidentally swallowed some food coloring. The doctor says I'm OK, but I feel like I've dyed a little inside

   I don't mean to brag, but pretty much every pot I've ever watched has boiled.

   Scientists remain baffled as to why the people on the internet really like pictures of cats and cats doing things.

   Its not a typo if you don't know how to spell the word.

   More often than not, my feelings can be summed up with a simple "feh."

   I'm so glad dog hair is an accepted accessory in society.

   My advice is to make money the old fashioned way (by intercepting Spanish galleons transporting gold from the New World).

   Teacher told us how Tom Sawyer was a free-spirited tale of misbehaving rascals; then screamed at us to sit still & listen.

   I have to remind myself this weekend there will be many Halloween parties. So don't go by instinct and start shooting zombies in the head.

   People are so predictable..I bet you're even reading this status right now.

   Time does not heal all wounds. Case in point, leave a gunshot wound untreated and see where that lands you.

   I'm beginning to have serious doubts that anyone ever called Steve Miller "the space cowboy."

   I wish more parents let kids choose their own names. Then everyone would just be named Spiderman or Ariel or Fruit Rollup.

   Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family.

   Volunteering in times of crisis is good. I just called the local strip club to call me immediately if they lose power. I'm ready to help out.

   When people tell you things "as your friend", that means they hate you and want to destroy you.

   You would have thought that the Mexican Mafia would have done something about Taco Bell by now.

   A study found alcohol makes men better at problem solving, which is good news unless your problem is alcoholism.

   When I die, I want my last words to be: "I left a million dollars under the...."