Eddy Funny Status Messages

   When a police car circles around to go after the criminal, how do you know it's a police car? .... It just did a donut

   I can;t afford the "Ring" doorbell so I use "honk" where friends pull up & honk their horn

   aac Newton had an apple before they were cool

   Don't forget that today is "small business Saturday" so only subscribe to OnlyFans accounts in your town

   If I subscribe to Amazon Prime, does that mean that I'm "in my prime" ?

   Why do they keep interrupting the commercials with a football game

   those people in the office with the rolling cart full of everyone's mail....they really push the envelope

   Why do Ziploc bags & trash bags come in a box? I guess the companies can't use bags

   How did people know when Edison got the idea for the lightbulb? If it didn't exist yet, you wouldn't see a lightbulb above him that he just had an idea

   Someone should make a electric car company called "Edison" to compete with Tesla

   since twitter doubled the length of tweets, does that mean now I double the name? I'm gonna go post a tweet tweet

   foods contain ingredients such as iron, potassium, calcium, etc so I'm going to start calling my dinner table my "table of elements"

   Pee-Wee Herman died. In lieu of flowers, buy a ticket to the adult movie theater

   When everyone can see you're being a d!(k .... you're a cting like grey sweatpants

   Eating a bowl of Sour Patch Kids cereal. I added milk & drowned the kids.... I'm a CEREAL killer

   When the China balloon was flying across the country, the Government should have used planes and jets to send it to the Seattle space needle

   If you don't like your coworkers, go to work dressed up like a bear. Tell people "don't poke the bear"

   Today isn't just for the kids..... it's also an egg hunt for the adults that are procrastinators

   My friend is single and middle-aged. I think she might be Catholic. Sorry, I mean cat-holic.

   I read Marie Kondo's book about tidying up...now I'm getting a divorce