Funny Status Messages and Tweets
Funny Status Messages for Facebook, Discord, and Whatsapp and funny tweets for Twitter.
Page: 242 of 6370
This morning I spent at least half an hour trying to get wifes bra off... I will never try wearing that again.
←Rate |
06-08-2021 08:00
Comments (0)
"Military only get one day" said only in june by homophobic peope who cant stuff up
←Rate |
06-07-2021 23:37 by Lu
Comments (0)
Good night, everybody. Night sweats, no... sweet dreams. That's it... sweet dreams.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 22:13 by Fezziwig
Comments (0)
I hope my dog never finds out I am made of bones
←Rate |
06-07-2021 11:18
Comments (0)
That’s a horrible idea. What time?
←Rate |
06-07-2021 10:24
Comments (0)
It’s like my therapist always says, Please, put on your pants.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:41
Comments (0)
I hate when I’m hanging up my clothes and I find an unused treadmill from 1981.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:40
Comments (0)
My kids won’t stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we’re watching Poltergeist.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:39
Comments (0)
Most dead bodies are found by dog walkers or joggers. Working theory: Dog walkers and joggers are serial killers.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:38
Comments (0)
An easy way to know if your house is haunted is to bake a cake that says “for ghost” and see if anything takes it
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:36
Comments (0)
Pro cooking tip: Serve a super bold, spicy red wine before dinner to cover up how badly you over seasoned the food. The best defense is a good offense.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:35
Comments (0)
I think Amazon is missing a big opportunity to get into the paint industry. They could make big bucks selling Amazon Primer.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:33
Comments (0)
This canned chili is terrible. No beans, hardly any spices, and for some reason, the side of the can has a picture of a Golden Retriever.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 08:33
Comments (0)
Twenty years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 03:31
Comments (0)
Hey Joe, must be nice to eat ice cream as fast as you want and not have to worry about brain freeze.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 03:30
Comments (0)
Protesters should step their game up and start blocking railroad crossings.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 03:30
Comments (0)
Television is the monster in your home, and it’s called a program for a reason. It has been designed to psychologically change the ways that you view reality.
←Rate |
06-07-2021 03:29
Comments (0)
What makes Elon guard his Musk? Courage
←Rate |
06-06-2021 12:36
Comments (0)
You Matter. Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light squared. Then you energy.
←Rate |
06-06-2021 05:45
Comments (0)
CDC just announced dudes can stop wearing skinny jeans.
←Rate |
06-06-2021 04:45
Comments (0)