Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   Sorry I keep forgetting you're not my therapist.

   I think my cat is a Scientologist.

   I only brush the teeth that people can see...which is none, because smiling is a sign of weakness.

   Watching an Olympian biting his gold medal he just won while I bite the wine cork I just pulled out with my teeth.

   People should be tested for emissions. They’re exhausting.

   My kids can worship Satan all they want as long as they don’t listen to nickelback

   There is a good reason why they call it XBOX ONE; You take ONE look at it and go and buy yourself a PS4!

   Scientists need to put cancer aside and find a cure for country music first.

   Why Do Women Wear Floral panties? In Loving Memory Of All The Faces That Have Been Buried Down There.

   No Officer, that's medicinal gasoline and matches.

   I'm an adult, but not "pay my bills on time" adult.

   In a perfect world, men would get the silent treatment anytime they requested it.

   If they ever start handing out medals for not participating in anything, that might be my moment to shine.

   A taser, but for when people try to talk about their feelings.

   T rolls used to live under bridges, now they live in their mom's basement.

   You put the stress in mistress.

   You changed your profile picture and I changed my mind.

   anyone else gonna run for President or is this all we have?

   Whenever I want to lift my spirits, I use a shot of whiskey.

   Coffee will never tell me I had too much to drink last night, unlike some people in this house