GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   Everybody's a little bit crazy... It's just that some of us aren't afraid to take it out for a walk in public.

   After an extremely tense argument with my wife, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.

   It's finally October! Which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house just became Halloween decorations.

   Egg prices are dropping. It turns out that if you stop killing chickens, they lay more eggs.

   Wife: Have you seen the broom? Me: Where did you put it when you landed?

   Marriage tip: If your wife cooks, make sure the smoke detector has good batteries in it!

   Okay now that Christmas is over, I'm ready for summer!

   Marriage tip: If you're getting ready to go out in public with your wife, ask her, "Would you please put on some makeup?" This will help her understand that you are concerned with her appearance, and she will love you more for it.

   I had a call from a telemarketer and he said he couldn't understand me. I told him to press 1 for English.

   Newsflash to all the haters out there trying to hate on me: I'm not going anywhere!

   NO! I didn't fall on the floor! I attacked it with my wicked ninja skills! Aren't you jealous?

   What's on a wife's mind when lecturing her husband: whatever she's lecturing her husband about. What's on a husband's mind when his wife is lecturing him: the scores of the ballgame.

   Marriage tip: Every once in a while, call your wife by one of your ex-girlfriend's names. This will help her realize that she is not the only woman on the docket, and that you're a really good catch!

   Marriage tip #3: When you have to run some errands and your wife doesn't want to go with you, just grab yourself some Dunkin Donuts, don't get her any. When she asks why you didn't grab her anything, just say, "If you truly loved me, you would have gone w

   Maybe we need a 100% tariff on microphones to prevent idiots from doing podcasts.

   I wonder if the people paying $300 for a colon cleanse even know about Taco Bell's $4.99 deal.

   And to whoever wrote that nice post, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

   You may not like my posts, but guess what??? I'm here to stay. So deal with it!

   Em htiw ssem ot seirt ereh no esle enoyna ro uoy fi neppah ot gniog si tahw s'taht esuaC. sregnarts etelpmomc tuoba parc gniklat rof uoy fo tuo dekcik parc eht nettog reve uoy evaH !ztangI yeH

   Good night haters!!!!!