KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room, look at a floor and think, 'I'd tap that.'

   If she gives you the "Side Hug", You're in the Friend Zone.

   If there were no women on earth, I would have left this god forsaken planet a long time ago. I am strictly here for the women, everything else is just a bonus. Women make my stay here worthwhile.

   3-pack condoms are ideal for married couples: Birthday, Christmas, and Valentine's Day.

   Don't let your ego write a check your character can't cash.

   When you confront your Man, don't make him feel interrogated. Remember, you could win the argument and still lose the Man.

   My wife seems to be having a great day, I can't wait to ruin it by talking to her.

   If homosexuals are going to hell, the interior design down there is going to be fabulousss.

   Shout out to all the moms who spent their whole Mother's Day thinking and worrying, "If this dummy ever asks for a paternity test, I can kiss the good life goodbye”

   I'm just being myself. Who the hell are you being?

   I don't need your permission to correct you if you're wrong.

   There's pizza in this conference room and we're still talking instead of eating. THIS IS HOW SERIAL KILLERS ARE BORN.

   I'm such a giving person; if cannibals were cooking me, I'd give them tips on how to make me more tender.

   Hey everyone storing up food and supplies 'In case of the 2012 apocalypse', if it happens, you're going to be murdered for that sh!t.

   DATING TIP: make sure your girlfriend knows that you're dating her.

   Walking away from a senseless arguments, makes sense to me!

   I don't understand why g@y guys won't sleep with women. I mean they have butt-holes too.

   Sluts should be called, HUMPTY DUMPTY. Coz first they get HUMPED, then they get DUMPED.

   Problem is people confuse LOVE with BUSINESS. If you are with her because she gives the best BJs and she is with you because you pay all her bills then thats not a LOVE affair, that's just a BUSINESS arrangement.

   Nothing screams, 'Pedophile' like having curtains on your van windows.