flinnie Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon If you even suspect someone has been stung by a jellyfish -don't ask- just pee on them. You might save a life.
←Rate | 01-13-2012 05:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Never fails. Always behind the person filling out a mortgage at the ATM machine
←Rate | 03-06-2012 09:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Yelling "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? PULL UP YOUR PANTS!", just as your boss ends a teleconference is a fun prank but you can only do it once per job
←Rate | 10-01-2011 05:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am instituting a new policy. Whining will be met with an ax handle to the face. I look forward to this new change in policy.
←Rate | 09-19-2012 09:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Heard a dad say "Keep rolling your eyes and maybe, one day, you'll find a brain back there." #fatheroftheyear
←Rate | 03-14-2015 16:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Learn to spell, Auto Correct isn't always write
←Rate | 09-26-2011 05:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Full disclosure: I don't actually know the back of my hand all that well.
←Rate | 04-15-2012 05:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep an eye on people who always remain calm & collected. It's always a pretty fun scene when they finally have their inevitable breakdown.
←Rate | 07-01-2012 06:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a pool party in 1998 with the time listed as 5-? on the invitation. I'm still here. Wrap it up guys there's so much I haven't done
←Rate | 01-01-2014 07:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Hamburger Helper can only help the hamburger that wants help.
←Rate | 02-25-2012 07:06 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd like to be an optimist but I know I'd be terrible at it
←Rate | 04-22-2012 06:20 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon No one is more judgmental than a waitress questioning if you've saved room for dessert.
←Rate | 12-17-2011 05:06 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would love to have more self-esteem, but I don't deserve it.
←Rate | 07-21-2012 05:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cover up my bathroom noises with high pitched screaming
←Rate | 01-01-2014 08:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm "had to actually call a girl on the home phone to ask her out while hoping my mom didn't pick up and start dialing" years old.
←Rate | 04-30-2014 06:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you want to see how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they're already mad.
←Rate | 01-06-2012 05:38 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People wearing neckbraces should wear a t-shirt explaining why.
←Rate | 09-26-2011 05:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just saw a hot girl delivering pizza. NOT in porn--for an actual job. The American economy is worse than we realize
←Rate | 10-03-2011 06:54 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm hoping my parents just keep forgetting to tell me about my trust fund.
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:19 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The snooze button, because there's nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
←Rate | 12-11-2013 21:49 by flinnie Comments (0)  




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