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Q: What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A. One is heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
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05-16-2022 05:43
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Q: What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? A: Outlaws are wanted.
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05-16-2022 05:43
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If you don’t have time to pull over and fight, don’t honk your horn at me.
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05-24-2022 22:55
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When she tries to pull your pants down on the first date.
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05-25-2022 03:00
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I attack ideas, I don’t attack people. Some very good people have some very bad ideas. If you can’t separate the two, I suggest you find another day job.
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05-26-2022 06:09
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That sweaty first kiss balled up on the couch, hand up her shirt, praying your parents don’t walk in on a Saturday night.
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05-27-2022 00:17
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You: Be noble, for you are made from the stars. Be humble, for you are made from the earth. Me: Where do you get your weed?
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05-27-2022 00:19
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This is not just a silly grin on my face, it’s a highly educated one.
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06-03-2022 02:55
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When I think of you I touch myself meaning I rub my temples because you give me a headache.
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06-05-2022 14:18
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Believe in yourself, especially when no one else will. ~ Sasquatch
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06-13-2022 02:51
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The ghosts from A Christmas Carol are the scariest, because they show you what people are saying about you behind your back.
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01-04-2023 02:44
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When you put 30 dollars in the tank and the gas light is still on.
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07-18-2022 01:32
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Mountains aren’t just funny, they’re hill areas.
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07-08-2022 09:06
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Some of you are going to keep trusting the system until your pronouns are was/were. 🙁
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01-23-2023 02:51
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Tonight’s Powerball Jackpot is up to a full tank of gas and a buggy load of groceries.
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07-03-2022 06:37
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doing strange things in the name of art.
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07-03-2022 11:19
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Day 712 without sex: went jogging in flip flops to remember the sound.
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05-07-2022 22:09
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One of us is right and the other one is you.
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05-19-2022 07:42
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Went to buy some camo pants but couldn’t find any.
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05-21-2022 03:39
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I know it was months ago, but I still don’t like how you all acted over toilet paper.
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05-24-2022 22:57
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