doc noland Funny Status Messages

   Now that I'm older my, "Girl I can go all night" is me pleading my case for the side of the bed closest to the bathroom

   The effects that bath salts have been having give a whole new meaning to "Calgon · Take Me Away!"

   The person who truly sees will marvel at everyday things.

   I'm at my most savage when I'm solo love making to the lion king soundtrack.

   i wonder when Sarah Palin is going to weigh in on this Stocky Markety Swoopsy Dowsy stuff.

   TLC has announced that Kate +8 has been cancelled and has been replaced with a new show Casey -1.

   BREAKING: Florida Highway Patrol is reporting a mass exodus of toddlers hitchhiking to get the hell out of Florida.

   The Grapes of Wrath is my favorite book title talking about a Woman drinking wine and angrily planning on burning your house to the ground.

   Oh Nothing. Just over here choking on dinner, fighting death like it's my job.

   So your saying there is no crying in Flirting? That sure explains a lot!

   Ever like someone so much that you just want to chew on their hiney?

   Popeye teaches you that spinach makes you stonger while completely skipping over the part about pooing your pants at work.

   So they will not be changing the name to the LA cotton clippers? Shooo! That was close. That could have turned alot of shirts inside out.

   My life coach threw a chair at me.

   My "Stop Being Poor" shirt almost ended up in the Goodwill pile.

   This whiskey would pair nicely with soft bosoms.

   If you hold a beer glass to your ear, you hear joy.

   Dear, Android. Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones... You piece of Shut.

   Oh wow! Thanks for the newsletter, Hotel Chain! I'm just lonely enough to read this!

   indecisive and thoroughly confused, the replacement refs ordered a diet mtn. coke.