doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   Now that I'm older my, "Girl I can go all night" is me pleading my case for the side of the bed closest to the bathroom

   The effects that bath salts have been having give a whole new meaning to "Calgon · Take Me Away!"

   The person who truly sees will marvel at everyday things.

   I'm at my most savage when I'm solo love making to the lion king soundtrack.

   i wonder when Sarah Palin is going to weigh in on this Stocky Markety Swoopsy Dowsy stuff.

   TLC has announced that Kate +8 has been cancelled and has been replaced with a new show Casey -1.

   BREAKING: Florida Highway Patrol is reporting a mass exodus of toddlers hitchhiking to get the hell out of Florida.

   My body is so exhausted but my mindset is wide awake.

   My superpower is turning tequila into tears.

   Yo, Tupac, I'm really happy for you; I'mma let you finish... but Princess Leia had the best hologram of all time. All time!

   If you ever actually see me smiling at my desk it means I'm stretching out my genit@ls into different animal shapes.

   I don't know why cops bother asking me questions I've never had one believe me.

   You stopped serving breakfast at 10:30!?! Seriously? Who gets here by 10:30? What am I, a fn farmer?

   My skull organ no work so good this day.

   Perhaps right after spending five minutes trying to rub the comma off my keyboard is the time to decide to stop eating over my laptop.

   The way to a man's heart is about eight inches inside of anything.

   The power went out, so I'm taking my shower by LED flashlight, just like they did in the olden days.

   80% of the time, I hate my life... the other 20% of the time i'm unconscious.

   Sorry folks, but until I get laid, I'm not thankful for s&!t this year.

   Dear, Android. Please stop changing my rude words into nice ones... You piece of Shut.