StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   I've just invented a new word: "Plagiarism"

   How many weight watchers points are pot brownies?

   Stop reading this and go have some sex

   I'm guilty of singing songs that I don't know all the words to, but for that 15 seconds I do know, I own that sh*t.

   Hey, to whoever invented the zero: Thanks for nothing!

   A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon.

   They keep saying the right person will come along, I think mine got hit by a truck.

   Well, everyone at this red light certainly knows who the best goddamn air drummer is.

   Some people say “If you can't beat them, join them”. I say “If you can't beat them, beat them”, because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.

   Cigarettes are like hamsters. They're completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

   When someone chooses the stall next to me when plenty others are available I tap my foot 3 times and ask, "You got the stuff?".

   I feel sorry for people who don't have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.

   There's "hell" in hello and there's "good" in goodbye... I don't know what that means... but think about it.

   Get a load of this guy" - worst slogan for a sperm bank

   I used to be passive aggressive but now I'm aggressively passive. Don't mess with me, idiot. I'll sit right here. I'll f*cking forgive you.

   I went out for a nice meal one day when the waiter asked, "How would you like your steak, sir?" "The same way I like my sex," I replied. He smiled and said, "So, rare?" B*tch.

   I got thrown out of a children's fancy dress party because all I was wearing was a red T-shirt. Some people have obviously never heard of Winnie the Pooh.

   My girlfriends yelling at me for being "controlling." Funny thing is I don't remember giving her permission to speak.

   I bet the person who invented lunges was really just some dude adjusting his sack.

   Every morning you are handed 24 golden hours. They are one of the few things in this world that you get free of charge. If you had all the money in the world, You couldn't buy an extra hour. What will you do with this priceless treasure..