Funny Status Messages for Facebook

X says I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 21:41 Comments (0)

X Next time your at your friends house steal his remote control. Every so often drive by his house and change the channell on his TV.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 20:52 by HiYourJon Comments (0)

X My favorite hobby is to add my neighbors' wireless printer to my PC and print a document that says I'M INSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND COMING FOR YOU.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 20:50 by HiYourJon Comments (0)

X Next time your at McDonald’s, point at the menu & say you’ll have a McSpaghetti w/ garlic bread. The look on cashiers face will be priceless

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 18:13 by HiYourJon Comments (2)

X is My roommate is on a date and said he's convinced she's coming home with him tonight. I've covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 17:33 by StonerDudee Comments (0)

X says Do you think the fact that gorillas have big nostrils and big fingers are related in any way?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 17:12 by mike Comments (0)

X I would like to take this moment to thank Jason Stathem for making male-pattern baldness look badass.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 16:08 Comments (0)

X says don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines!!

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 15:08 Comments (0)

X I dance a little in my chair while I'm eating one of my fave meals..... Don't judge me -_-

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 15:06 by jitney Comments (0)

X One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole day is a good day.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 14:34 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X before you judge me, please understand that I don't give a f*ck what you think.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 14:25 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 14:22 by Marshall the Great Comments (0)

X Due to the Economy, All dollar stores are now accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 14:01 Comments (0)

X says Jealous? You can't say that just cause I murdered a couple of guys who spoke to you. Oh all of them? Ok let's not focus on the details here.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 13:56 Comments (0)

X says Me take a bullet for you? I don't think so. What if you planned for someone to shoot you so I could jump in front of you, get shot and you would get rid of me?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 13:48 by Kisstopher Comments (0)

X is Can the next terrorist bomb the westboro baptist church? That would be kinda cool actually

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 13:32 by Athiest Comments (0)

X says My cats can't drive. But, that doesn't stop me from sending them to the store for more booze.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 13:16 Comments (0)

X says Never trust a woman who doesn't b*tch about everything.

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 13:09 by Kisstopher Comments (0)

X What makes you think I put my pants on one leg at a time?

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 13:01 by snotty Comments (0)

X says Single ◽ Taken ◽ Vodka ✔

<--Rate | Submitted: 05-09-2013 12:50 Comments (0)