Funny Status Messages for FacebookThousands of statuses to update your Funny Facebook Status, Twitter status, or profile.
Filter On | Filter Off
X says I can't believe I was late for work tomorrow.
X Next time your at your friends house steal his remote control. Every so often drive by his house and change the channell on his TV.
X My favorite hobby is to add my neighbors' wireless printer to my PC and print a document that says I'M INSIDE YOUR HOUSE AND COMING FOR YOU.
X Next time your at McDonald’s, point at the menu & say you’ll have a McSpaghetti w/ garlic bread. The look on cashiers face will be priceless
X is My roommate is on a date and said he's convinced she's coming home with him tonight. I've covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.
X says Do you think the fact that gorillas have big nostrils and big fingers are related in any way?
X I would like to take this moment to thank Jason Stathem for making male-pattern baldness look badass.
X says don’t pray when it rains if you don’t pray when the sun shines!!
X I dance a little in my chair while I'm eating one of my fave meals..... Don't judge me -_-
X One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole day is a good day.
X before you judge me, please understand that I don't give a f*ck what you think.
X I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
X Due to the Economy, All dollar stores are now accepting 4 easy payments of 25 cents each.
X says Jealous? You can't say that just cause I murdered a couple of guys who spoke to you. Oh all of them? Ok let's not focus on the details here.
X says Me take a bullet for you? I don't think so. What if you planned for someone to shoot you so I could jump in front of you, get shot and you would get rid of me?
X is Can the next terrorist bomb the westboro baptist church? That would be kinda cool actually
X says My cats can't drive. But, that doesn't stop me from sending them to the store for more booze.
X says Never trust a woman who doesn't b*tch about everything.
X What makes you think I put my pants on one leg at a time?
X says Single ◽ Taken ◽ Vodka ✔