zinc Funny Status Messages

   Any tree can be a Christmas tree if you yell at your family around it.

   Everthing will be ok in the end. If it's not ok, then it's not the end

   With fewer toothpaste choices on the market now, maybe those 5 dentists can finally agree.

   I don't make annoying passive aggressive statuses, unlike some people I know.

   I'm so broke identity thieves sent a fruit basket with a note. "Sorry about the ID theft. Please tell your creditors to stop calling us."

   can you spare just $2? Ranji is a 9 yr old boy living in Namibia. He has 1 leg, 1 arm, and 1 eye. Each day he rides 7 miles to school with a bike w/ bent wheels and no brakes. If you just send $2, we will send you the video it's freaking hilarious.

   They say revenge is a dish best served cold. But they also say revenge is sweet. I think they are trying to say revenge is ice cream.

   I was in a gang once — we used to carry pocket knives & wear all green with blood-red bandanas around our neck. Wait, that was Boy Scouts.

   Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 332 words.

   Not sure why Amtraks slogan is not "Travel with your drugs, we won't check""

   Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.

   went to a karaoke bar that had no 70's songs. At first I was afraid, I was petrified.

   What idiot decided to call them marijuana dispensaries and not grass stations?

   Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!

   Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.

   When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it. - Clarence Darrow

   Facebook asks me what I'm thinking. Twitter asks me what I'm doing. 4square asks me where I am. Conclusion: the Internet is my girlfriend.

   the last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still technically on the list.

   Lacrosse is my favorite sport that combines looking like you're trying to catch a butterfly with having no friends @JhonRules

   hates double standards. If a chick bangs a bunch of dudes, she's a slut. If a guy does it, he's a homosexual.