sully Funny Status Messages

   Hey..........all the political and media people are in Iowa. If we could somehow fence it off, this is our chance to start a new society. Who's down???

   I say we bury Boston bomber, Tamerlan Tsarnaev's body at Westboro Baptist Church....

   Monday I drank a Shirley Temple to mourn her, today I'm going to eat a Caesar salad to mourn Sid, tomorrow I'm having a Bieber burger & crossing my fingers....

   If anything the Lance Armstrong confession confirms my belief that exercise leads to deceitful behavior.

   Whenever I worry I've been wasting my time on FB, I cheer myself up by remembering I have never seen a Twilight movie.......

   I blame Subway!! The kids had a better chance of outrunning Jared when he was fat......

   Reminder - Valentine's Day is only a couple weeks away, it's not too late to break up..........

   Gonna be honest here since the world is ending: "Sailing" by Christopher Cross makes me emotional.

   RIP Macho Man. He must of had an early boarding pass for the rapture. You will be missed......

   I wish we could all legally divorce Kim Kardashian......

   Hurricane preparedness tip: 1. Buy several kegs of beer 2. Drink beer 3. Wait for flooding 4. Drop kegs in water 5. Float to safety....

   Why don't they give hurricanes epic names like cyclone of doom or the fate fairy instead of frikken Sandy.....

   Ever notice that the douchebag who says "See you next year!" on New Years Eve is always someone you wouldn't mind not seeing for the entire year?.......

   If the Government shuts down who will spy on me?

   Drunk driving, sniffing cocaine, smoking crack, eating p ussy, drinking on the job, rendezvous with prostitutes...All in a days work for Toronto's mayor!!

   While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?

   Heads up, peeps. There are over 700 fake Obamacare sites ready to swipe your info. Pro tip: The real site is the one that doesn't work...

   I am having debate withdrawal....So I'm heading to 7-11 now to spar with clerk about gas prices and Iranian sanctions.

   My wife said I don't do enough work around the house. Its like she thinks this FB account just runs itself.........smh

   I'm starting to believe that most people wouldn't be that much different if they were turned into actual zombies....