pimpjuice Funny Status Messages

   I used to flip a "lucky" around in my cigarette pack. Until I realized it's the only cigarette I get drunk and light backwards.

   I can't believe Walmart already has Valentine's Day stuff out. which reminds me.. I need to lose my girlfriend soon

   Fish tanks are supposed to be soothing? My fish have seen me naked! I think my fish need a fish tank in their fish tank.

   I have got to stop wearing my sunglasses when I go out on the boat, I'm starting to look like a raccoon

   NEVER mix internet p0rn and mountain dew. Trust me on this one

   gang related violence has went up 50 percent in my house since I took the kids play station from them

   funny jokes must be a Monday thru Friday job. zzzz

   on a positive note, I got the results of my drug test back today

   I gonna have to find me a partner...I'm as hard as woodpecker lips

   I will just take one bong hit with breakfast, chill out for a while, then get some things done. Aaaand I'm not getting off of the couch today.

   keep your friends close, your shotgun closer.

   I only buy comforter sets that have white spots in the pattern

   free candy and football. my kinda Thursday

   Male version: why buy the camel when you can get the toe for free?

   You can't hang around trifling people, you will begin to think it's normal if you have nothing else to compare it to

   The worst part about having a teenager is every time I lose my weed, I freak out and wonder if my son took it.

   Well on a positive note, Charlie Sheen.

   I love my new wood heater. Women actually want to take their clothes off for a change

   All I'm saying is if she was any dumber I'd have to water her.

   the lucky is the only cigarette in the pacK that I get drunk and light backwards