mickey Funny Status Messages

   I'm sorry. You need a favor? You know I'd consider it if I weren't so inconsiderate.

   Rosie O'Donnell just won the Green Award for Conservation. It only takes two tablespoons of water to fill her bathtub.

   Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”

   I have no idea what anyone means when they describe the weather as 'crisp'. If you're going to use the word 'crisp', you really should be talking about bacon.

   Why do the people with 2000+ friends acknowledge your birthday greeting to them, yet the ones with 62 friends never do?

   The meteorologist on the news gives the forecast then says, "People don't know the difference between weather and climate." Yes I do: "Oh look, a ladder I don't know weather I should walk under it or climate." See? Told you.

   Choosing someone based on their looks, is like picking a Christmas gift based on the wrapping paper.

   Dear fake profile with bikini pics that just friend requested me: 1. I have a great memory for hot chicks; I don't know you. 2. 52 of our "mutual friends" are idiots. 3.They're all guys......color me surprised.

   What impresses me more than your facebook friend count hovering at around 5,000...are the same three people that post on your page.

   The way I see it, EVERY Friday is Good Friday.

   What's the deal with people who hit you up on the chat, then take twenty minutes to type their responses? DELETE.

   In these economic hard times, I always do what it takes to get my money's worth. Like yesterday. I went to the Dental Hygienist and ate a box of Oreos in the waiting room before going in.

   For those of you who don't have a significant other to spend Valentine's Day with, kindly resist the temptation to brag about it.

   Ah yes, Friday. Wha...What was that? Saw it out of the corner of my eye. There, behind the...I just saw it duck down. There it is again disappearing just as I almost get a glimpse of it. MONDAY! I KNOW IT'S YOU, YOU BA$TARD!

   Meteorology: The Exact Science Of Guesswork

   The Google home page today features a giant zipper. I'm NOT gonna open it. Who knows what'll pop out.

   Being fat is over weighted.- Elmer Fudd

   Those three little words. Those three little wonderful words that mean so much. Yes. Those three little wonderful words: "HEY LET'S EAT!"

   Who remembers when big ol' gigantic ol' Rosie O'Donnell came out of the closet? Okay it was a storage unit but.....

   I wish people would stop saying the husbands of the women who marched didn't get a sandwich that day. Have you seen those women? No way any of them have a husband.