indy dave Funny Status Messages

   Well as tomorrow approaches, November 1st. I can start growing my taint hair for "No Shave November." Will you notice?

   my wife just fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open... hmmm, tempting!

   I wish Twitter would stop recommending that I follow "One Direction." Do they think I wear capri pants or something?

   Looks like Chris Kelly of "Kris Kross" finally tripped over his backwards pants falling and hitting his head. Ooops, nope, update: drug overdose. Shocker.

   So I am making a bean/corn salad/salsa recipe and it askes for ground cummin. I'm like... uh, eww and then I'm like well I have it and it's free but exactly how do you grind it?

   Facebook stock down 4.20 today... coincidence?

   Riley Cooper said what??? Wait, isn't he Manning's brother??? No, thats Cooopah!

   Anderson Cooper - I had to come clean, I was caught singing "Call Me Maybe" in my car on the way to work!

   The reason they named it the "Xbox One" is they knew that it would be the only way they would hear "Xbox Won" Might as well rename it the "Xbox Done"

   Breaking Bad brought to you by Nationwide Insurance. Because you never know when Walter White is going to take you out...

   so my son stayed up until 11 last night watching a movie with us and he still got up at 6:45am... hmmm, next time use vodka in his juice maybe? Hey, I just drugged you, this is crazy, but here's a pillow, sleep in maybe?!?!?!

   any computer someone may have used to purchase you a gift. Tip 2: If you purchase gifts online, DELETE YOUR BROWSING HISTORY. That concludes today's lesson and tips.

   I have a feeling that if I were _______ my wife would play with my pen1s a lot more...