gay jeffrey Funny Status Messages

   we can be friends or we can be spiders

   I'm not buying that "Oops, I accidentally deleted you" line again sausage fingers.

   Dear son, Another hard year on the farm. Father had a stroke, bills are piling up. Are you famous on facebook yet? We are proud of you! -mom

   "Mrs. Doubtfire" and "The Santa Clause" use the exact same plot formula.

   Like and enthusiastically comment on every photo your aunt has posted to facebook. Turn the tables

   I've accepted every email offer I've ever received. My p3 Nis is now 235 feet long.

   Alternate universe where all the nerds were bullied by the musicians in high school and the jocks protected them. That's where I live

   My legs are so white they signed their kids up for way too many extra-curricular activities.

   my "people you may know" is filled with douchebags who deleted me, oh no does this mean I'm the pretentious ahole?

   I enter a talent show. The judges say I don't have the right stuff. I pull out Tom Wolfe's 1979 book "The Right Stuff." The crowd goes wild.

   Turns out trolling LinkedIn for ladies to s3xt with was not such a good id

   Bought a shirt with three wolves on it. Agressively seeking high fives from strangers.