bill Funny Status Messages

   Send me one more game request and I'm showing up at your house hammered, at 4am, naked and demanding a game of Twister...

   Wow!! Tension's in Korea is increasing. Rumor has it that France has already offered to surrender........

   Early preview of tonight's State Of The Union speech: It sucks. We're broke. Quit bitching. Goodnight.

   Celebrating today's unemployment news is like getting excited about all the open tables in the Titanic's dining room, the media appears to be pretending the unemployment rate dropped for some reason other than holiday seasonal staffing.

   City of Dallas just announced tomorrow is Lebron James Day. Everyone gets to leave work 12 minutes early.

   I was thinking....I bet airfare to Egypt is crazy cheap right about now. I've never seen the pyramids, are they still standing?? Oh never mind, they got no internet, I'M NOT GOING!!!

   I hate to admit it but i'm in a really dark place right now... oh wait.... found the light switch... phew! never-mind :

   I'm saving my April fools joke for tomorrow. No one will see them coming...... ; )

   Easter chocolate tastes so much better than normal chocolate...

   Got an email about seasonal jobs as a “package handler”. Had to check to make sure it was for UPS and not the TSA…

   If only I had stuck with dodgeball since elementary. I could have gone pro.........

   The Cavs win twice, the Tribe sweeps Boston, the Heat lose and LeBron's mom gets arrested. You can't deny that KARMA Cleveland.......

   Got Bin Laden AND interrupted Celebrity Apprentice? Win for Obama all around.

   I don't run from hurricanes, I drink them.........

   Don't worry, they'll probably get Casey Anthony when she tries to steal back her sports memorabilia...

   I personally think that Hank Jr is just laying the groundwork for a stint on Dancing With the Stars........

   ‎ So, did France like lose at rock, paper, scissors or something? I mean France?

   I hope Obama held the gun sideways when he shot Bin Laden.

   thinking we need to change the term "Big Brother" to "Creepy Uncle."

   I wonder how many hot dogs Kobayashi sucked down in jail last night??