bOb Funny Status Messages

   It's so hot I just saw two trees fighting over a dog

   Still waiting on the "Once you go black, you never go back" episode of Mythbusters.

   they did an MRI of my brain.....they found nothing.

   Checked with my Sperm Bank to see my deposit was getting any interest..sadly they said Zero.

   If anyone is interested, I'll be signing books tomorrow at Barnes & Noble from 5 p.m. until security escorts me out the door.

   the lower urinal for short people or long people? #clearance

   it looks like the word "horseplay" has taken on a whole new meaning and has been essentialy ruined for life...thanks Sandscumsky

   great news for those that talk $hit....PREPARATION H is now available as a chapstick!!

   Ahh the Sunday after Easter... Catholics forgot where church was already, see you at Christmas!

   I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card, I said to my mom, look I got a B in Reading, she said to me that's a D you moron!

   Sitting in a busy parkink lot tooting my horn when I see someone pressing their remote looking for their car.

   Bin Laden's wife has just changed her FB staus to single

   Kim Kardashian Wants To Experience Tebow Time?!?! No, Kimmy, Tebow cannot restore your virginity.

   If you're looking for a good Trump pee joke, Urine Luck

   believes that if you tell your boss what you really think of him, the truth will set you free.

   I can think of one group of workers who are doing much better under this Trump presidency....comedians

   I was walking on the beach yesterday when I noticed this guy in the ocean splashing around and yelling " shark, help, shark!!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

   ready for a football, family, food, and farts...Happy Thanksgiving!

   destructive forces have hit the Gulf Coast! Oh, and a hurricane sweeped by.

   Made a deposit at the Sperm Bank....sadly, it's earning no interest.