StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   Sleep is like sex, you never get enough of it and sometimes it feels like it never happened at all.

   A secret handshake will get you into the "Beyond" section of Bed Bath & Beyond. Includes videogames, beer & lightsabers. Ask for Steve.

   My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually...damn. Thats a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst..

   The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. "Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you."

   Love Coco Puffs. Hate Popo Cuffs.

   it just me, or was music better when ugly people were allowed to make it?

   Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

   iPhone covers are like condoms. You don't want to, but you kind of have to...

   When the only light in your world is suddenly gone ...it's time to recharge your phone.

   sitting here laughing while putting marijuana seeds in a bird feeder

   I've just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself

   What do you do if you come across a tiger in the Jungle? Wipe it off and apologize.

   At Starbucks I order under the name Dad. Then leave.

   I just saved a bunch of fu<ks by not giving any.

   My boss told me "Sarcasm will get you nowhere in life," "Well, it got me to the 'International Sarcasm' finals in Santiago, Chile in 2009," I informed him. "Really?" he asked. "No," I said.

   Gas prices are so high I just saw 12 Mexicans on one skateboard!

   The only government agency that listens to you is the NSA.

   When your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, your pants are tucked into your shirt. Think about it.

   If someone will fund it, I'll go to the rainforest and just lick stuff until I find a cool new drug.

   Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?