Slowmotionninja Funny Status Messages

   Kim Kardashian Says She Would Like To Have Sex With Herself …To Know What It Feels Like! Guess that means that after Kanye West Noone wants to touch her.

   Having a girlfriend is like racking up credit card debit. Exciting for awhile, before becoming a financial burden that prevents you from enjoying cool activities with your friends

   I swear when LeBron James was born and the doctor spanked him he got the foul called

   Iphone has just patented anti sexting software..brett favre your going to want to get a DROID

   well America looks like you can kill little girls and get away with it these days...Who wants to track down Bieber with me?

   Went to Hulu this morning. Front page: The Royal Wedding brought to you by Fancy Fest. God That's perfect

   Baby, I would take a bullet for you... In Halo 4... Unless I'm on a kill streak.

   Watching the movie Independence Day to commemorate Will Smith's efforts in preventing an alien invasion this exact day 16 years ago. I thank Will Smith for my freedom!!!

   Moms have "mothers day" Dads have "Fathers day" Lovers have "Valentines day" what do single men have?...Palm Sunday

   She wanted something that went from 0 to 300 in 2 secs so I got her a scale...

   pulled more tail then a slow kid at a petting zoo.

   if noone comes from the future to stop you, how bad of a decision could it really be?

   I just checked on my Farmville after 3 years. It's now a Wal-mart

   So I just saw a church sign that said "Why pay for GPS, Jesus gives guidance for free." Do you think Best Buy would match that?

   Tom Brady has to go home and plow his Super Model wife now cause it will be the only was he is scoring anytime soon

   VMA recap: Lady GaGa came in as a man. Nicki Minaj came as Lady GaGa, and Jay-z came in Beyonce

   ❒Flossin' ❒Ballin' ✔Bill Gaten'

   I was just asked to contribute money to help solve the civil unrest in egypt, but I suspect it;s some sort of pyramid scheme

   when a stripper asks you to beat the hard level on angry birds you DO IT!!!!!

   If your vigina is anything like my hand then we should not have a problem