SKoop Funny Status Messages

   If you come into my office smelling like sweet and sour chicken, there's a 33% chance I will lick you if these HR complaints are accurate.

   If you're going to slow down on the freeway whenever you see a cop, try not having the "I have a heroin condom in my butt" look on your face

   I like to close my eyes when I'm kissing a girl...That way the pepper spray doesn't get into my eyes.

   Studies show that if you stare at woman's breasts for longer than 5 minutes...You are very likely to get a black eye.

   I've tried experimenting with drugs. Putting acid in my wife's tea has been the funniest yet.

   :I've seen fashion girls do things for cocaine that even a dog wouldn't do for some peanut butter.

   :Apparently all the women that can deep throat are sitting in their rooms sexting all day.

   What's 12 inches and makes women wanna have sex? My hunting knife...

   :I'm so white I get uncomfortable saying knickers with a hard 'r'.

   I learn from the mistakes of others.... Who have taken my advice.

   The hardest part about solving this Magic Eye poster is that Seal keeps telling me to stop staring at his face.

   You take "the" out of psychotherapist.

   My girlfriend and I are going through a tough period...Its actually her first...

   Guys, If you suck on a fat girls t!tty for more than 10 seconds, you will get type 2 diabetes. Fact

   :To all the fat chicks that only take pics from the neck up .... good try ... Very good try.

   Apaprnelty hmoosxeulas aer teh olny oens brililnat ni unscarbmlnig snetneces leki thsi.

   :If you need to check our astrology signs to see if we are compatible... we are not.