Psycho Funny Status Messages

   I'm always the first one to say "I love you" in a gangbang.

   I think this midget prostitute is really selling herself short.

   Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.

   I believe it is important to be an organ donor, which is why I am willing to donate my second chin to anyone missing a chin.

   The genie that I rubbed to get my three wishes was not a genie at all. Anyone got bail money?

   On a deteriorative scale, my liver is somewhere between Ozzy Osbourne and Charlie Sheen.

   How much for the angry lawn gnome? Hey, that's my toddler.

   Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you're so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?

   Florida is going to be covered in stripper glitter and cocaine pretty soon.

   HER: Will you miss me? ME: Only if you run in a zig-zag pattern

   No offense but I wanna set you on fire.

   Knock on your neighbors door and ask if they've seen your cat. When they say no pull your cat out of your pocket and make the introductions

   I hate when I'm watching porn and my mom walks in. what is my mom doing in this p0rn?

   People with multiple personalities scare me. Speak for yourself b*tch. That's right, you heard him.

   Your small talk is beginning to make my eye twitch.

   What's the normal amount of hair to mail someone? I feel like this is a lot of hair I'm mailing to someone

   *Taps life on shoulder* What's your fcukin problem with me?

   I heard Oscar Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door but his girlfriend was dead against it.

   A serial killer, that only targets couples in matching outfits.

   Looking for originality her e is like looking for a virgin in a wh0rehouse.