One Funny Status Messages

   I had a life once. Now I have an internet connection and a Mac book.

   my drinking team has a football problem

   my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.

   Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

   just paid my electric bill, so i'm kinda low on the stuff we trade out for those ice cold beers

   It's called cocaine and you dont want no part of this sh!t...It turns all your bad feelings into good feelings. It's a nightmare

   first you want same sex marriage, what's next...same sex divorce

   Ronald McDonald just killed Burger King in front of Dairy Queen over that B*t*h Wendy

   A Glimpse by defintion, is an impermanent thing!

   I see a lite in the distance....could be a Miller Lite, I better go check it out!

   i have nothing against god, it's just his fan club that i'm against

   it kitty litter if you throw a cat out a car window

   Guess who has two thumbs and is high off bath salt… sh!t where are my fu cking thumbs…

   this country is not ran by democracy, but by communism.

   Jesus is coming, Quick, look busy

   I've just decided I want a bunch of kids with several baby mamas, so my children will all look different and I can match em' with my wardrobe

   A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Someone should've told you not to fu ck with me

   Panty lines are so nasty, your a grown a$s woman sh!t put on a thong, g-string, boy shorts, or go panty less if you have too

   If wishes and buts were candy and nuts, Obama supporters would have the White House filled with pimps and sluts

   you can pick your friends....you can pick your nose.......but you can't pick your friend's nose!