MC Fazzerino Funny Status Messages

   Making home made Pop Tarts. I almost have it down, but getting the filling down to a thickness of 1/1,000,000 of an inch is becoming quite a challenge.

   Okay so, last Sunday we all lost an hour. This Sunday, we should all watch NASCAR and lose four.

   Not sure which has gone more viral on facebook. Pics of cats, or cups of cappuccino with hearts drawn in the foam.

   And if he winds up being a switch hitter..he'll be known as: North Bi North West....well sorta.

   I had a nightmare. I was having s-e-x with Paula Dean d0ggie style. I was pulling her hair and she was screaming, "AH CAINT BLEEVE IT'S NOT BUTTER!"

   So I'm flying to England and the flight attendant asks me if I want dinner. I asked her what my choices were. She said, "Yes or no."

   I just had a bad dream. I went to the Facebook log in screen and it asked if I wanted to sign in using my Myspace account.

   Music, Children, and Dogs: The world's three greatest anti-depressants.

   I hold the NASCAR world record for the number of races never watched. Zero.

   Breaking News! You can "QUIETLY" be an Atheist and leave people who believe in something more substantial, believable, reasonable, realistic and is NOT a mere product of mental invention......Learn to stay in your lane dummies.

   Women: The prettiest flowers in God's garden.

   The heavier the girl, the more pics of really buff guys go up on her timeline.

   All these facebook game requests and not one from a hot chick for N@ked Twister.

   "How To Win Friends And Influence People On Facebook" Post pictures of dogs and cats.

   Spooning...the precursor to forking.

   Damn hard of hearing pharmacist. I had trouble sleeping so I asked for Nytol. He gave me Mydol. So here I am, wide awake, but I have to admit the cramps and bloating are gone.

   Science can't figure out whether an egg is good or bad for you, let alone accurately prove how the universe formed or evolution.

   Someone tried to steal my identity. However, after reviewing my bank accounts and credit information, they felt sorry for me and offered me theirs.

   Great music lives on in perpetuity to those who seek it.

   Christmas will be here sooner than you think. Forget the gifts and commercialization, make it a time to be Merry. Unless you live in San Francisco....then make it a time to be Mary.