KIsstopher Funny Status Messages

   I always put a little umbrella in my drink so it doesn't dilute in the shower.

   You know you're getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.

   A walk of shame is always sad. Don't make it worse by adding the sound of Flip flops to it.

   Someone called me selfish and then paused as if they expected me to argue.

   Don't worry; it's only kinky the first time.

   Lol @ the dude buying condoms and getting his card declined. He just got c**k blocked by Visa.

   It's so nice to come home and relax with Facebook after a long day at the office being on Facebook.

   Dear London Rioters: There is a big damn difference between, rioting for Freedom, and rioting for Free Stuff.

   Sleep is so cute when it tries to compete with Facebook.

   I would walk over Legos for you.

   How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

   I'm on a quest around the world to find Bigfoot. I'd originally set out to find cheap gas, but I decided to keep my goals realistic

   Love is.......having sex with someone when you're sober.

   Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.

   Aside from being hit and struck by a Smooth Criminal, how are you emotionally, Annie?

   I felt special… until I saw you talk to every other guy like that.

   People would never be late if the Mario "running out of time" music started playing a few minutes before.

   To people who say love is more important than money, have you ever tried paying your bills with a hug?

   I overheard my neighbor telling someone on the phone that I am creepy and wierd. I was so mad I almost crawled out from under her bed and confront her.

   Be the girl that all the guys want. Not the girl all the guys HAD.