J. BIAZA Funny Status Messages

   If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!

   People who persevere are annoying to the rest of us who'd rather quit and go drink.

   I need to either get a new air conditioner or move into my refrigerator.

   Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.

   Wanna feel confident and attractive? Me too! Let's all get drunk!

   ‎"Be excellent to each other." ~ Bill S. Preston Esquire & Ted "Theodore" Logan

   I'm thinking about becoming a psychic...But I don't know what people would think.

   Forget health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

   Apparently this is the letter “v” in Chinese: 维 Lets see American geese try to fly in that shape.

   I was gonna buy a copy of 'The Power of Positive Thinking', and then I thought, what good would that do?

   Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!

   I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat'. You probably saw our posters.

   Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

   99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Problems solved.

   If you're cooking alphabet soup on the stove and leave it unattended, it could spell disaster.

   I graduated with a 4.0 … Blood Alcohol level.

   [seen above a urinal] Your child's future is in your hands.

   Who stopped payment on my reality check?

   I only make mental bets and coincidentally I've lost my mind.

   Cheese is like a villain from a horror movie: Whatever you do to it only makes it stronger. Shred it? Better. Slice it? Better. Melt it? Perfection.