GIL Funny Status Messages

   It's rumored that the Catholic Church is interested in buying Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch. Does anyone not see the irony in this?

   What are the odds that Bill Clinton and Loretta Lynch have another friendly 30 minute chat to talk about golfing and grandchildren?

   "After seeing Kate and William getting married and the Pope's beatification this weekend, my life is complete. I don't care if I die tomorrow" - Osama Bin Laden

   Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923

   Living alone means never having to close the bathroom door or having to spray air freshener when you're done.

   Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, some poems rhyme, others don't

   What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovahs Witness?…. Someone who knocks at your door for no apparent reason.

   Robert Kraft's prostitution arrest. Voluntary exchange of sex and compensation between consenting adults. Kinda like marriage.

   Since smartphone cameras were first released in 2002, sightings of Bigfoot and UFOs have declined by 85%.

   HPAPY ST PTARCIK'S DYA. Kiss me, I'm drunkish!

   Really smart Jehovah witnesses follow the FedEx Truck and pizza delivery man on Saturdays.

   If Hillary gets elected, Bill will be the ugliest first lady ever.

   After hearing the news that an AirFrance jumbojet clipped a Delta Airlines plane, France immediately surrendered.

   Dear Kardashians, your 15 minutes was up a few months ago...

   I was walking down the street and saw my Arab friend shaking a rug on his porch. I shouted out to him "What's wrong Ahmed, won't start?"

   When is it a good time to mention the Easter holiday tradition of eggs and bunny rabbits are pagan fertility symbols and the words Easter, Easter Bunny, or Easter Egg appear nowhere in the Bible? Not this weekend then?.....

   Congrats Google Plus on being the new Myspace replacement. RIP facebook

   I was abducted by aliens once, but after a couple hours the Mexican landscapers let me go.

   Some women pay $5000 for breast enlargement. I got my man boobs for free.

   COPD is deadly and no one likes dealing with it, whether you are referring to Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, or the Commission On Presidential Debates.