FLIPPHONESCOTT Funny Status Messages
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I AM SO READY TO KISS 2016 GOODBYE!
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It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
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"As an alternative to dieting, I'm going to simply refer to myself as "value-sized"."
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somedays I could do without the life lesson!
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My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy
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When gas stations start charging for air--that's inflation
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"There should be a body shop called Auto Correct."
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I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.
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When you realize Charles Manson is getting more play than you!
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If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
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Pretending to be a pleasant person all day is EXHAUSTING!!!
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When you realize winter is still 5 week away!
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They can quit giving me phone books. Just saying
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They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the heck women are actually trying to say.
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I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
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when you Realize that loud sound in the dryer is your cell phone! DAMMIT!!!!!!!!
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starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy
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my new years resolution is to keep my my new years resolution!
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"I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies
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Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
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