FLIPPHONESCOTT Funny Status Messages

   I AM SO READY TO KISS 2016 GOODBYE!

   It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.

   "As an alternative to dieting, I'm going to simply refer to myself as "value-sized"."

   somedays I could do without the life lesson!

   My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy

   When gas stations start charging for air--that's inflation

   "There should be a body shop called Auto Correct."

   I haven't gained weight. I'm just retaining cookies.

   When you realize Charles Manson is getting more play than you!

   If you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?

   When you realize winter is still 5 week away!

   Pretending to be a pleasant person all day is EXHAUSTING!!!

   They can quit giving me phone books. Just saying

   They should make a Rosetta Stone that helps men understand what the heck women are actually trying to say.

   I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year! ‪

   when you Realize that loud sound in the dryer is your cell phone! DAMMIT!!!!!!!!

   starting the diet on monday or when walgreens runs out of maked down christmas candy

   my new years resolution is to keep my my new years resolution!

   "I never wanted to grow up, I just wanted to be tall enough to reach the cookies

   Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports