Bobo the Chimp Funny Status Messages

   Jessica Simpson has already taught her daughter everything she knows.

   I ran out of Anti-Depressants, so I'm drinking my bottle of No More Tears Shampoo.

   If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.

   I put the "fun" in insufficient funds.

   I will cause a 12-car pileup before I let you last-minute merge.

   The ice cream man has been turning his music off on our block since the day we paid with a protein-crusted sock full of corroded pennies.

   Screaming out "BOOM PREGNANT!" during sex is never as funny as you think it will be.

   I'm just here so I won't get fined.

   I could have sworn I heard a chorus of a thousand tiny voices rising up from the shower drain to wish me a Happy Fathers Day.

   Last night I wore a Mickey Mouse costume to Chuck E. Cheese and angrily accused him of having an affair with Minnie until I was forcibly removed & arrested.

   My million dollar idea: "Homework-flavored" dog food.

   Hopefully Harrison Ford replaced his divot.

   I just keyed 2+2=5 onto the hood of a Smart Car.

   I always use the self-checkout lane to avoid being embarrassed when my card is declined.

   At some point, my grandmother stopped admiring how big I was getting.

   I always put eggs in a ziplock bag before I crack them open in case a chicken darts out.

   When I squeeze a tube of 'whitening toothpaste' and it’s blue, I’m like, well this is off to a bad start.

   Earlier I tapped my foot twice to a song. Sometimes the dance just bursts right out of me.

   Meanwhile one million men got to enjoy a quiet afternoon at home without anyone nagging them.

   To prevent addiction, candy companies are forced to insert the yellow ones.