@sEddy90 Funny Status Messages

   Why is it, "A penny for your thoughts," but, "you have to put your two cents in?" Somebody's making a penny

   I just read that 4,153,237 people got married last year, I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

   WELCOME TO FACEBOOK - The place where people add you as a friend and walk past you in the street.....

   Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

   I've heard that the Eskimos have over 80 words to describe snow. Hell, they should get jobs in the Lipstick Color Naming Department at Revlon

   I don't want a relationship where people say "They look so cute together." I want one where they say, "Look how happy they are together."

   Black person: Jeans $200, Shirt $100, Shoes $160, pockets.. $0 White Person: Jeans $15, Shirt $20, Shoes $30, pockets $5,000"

   B!tch If you can't fit your tweet into 140 characters, maybe you should shut the hell up.

   There once was a man named Hawking, who got bored of walking He got on a scooter, attached a computer, and now it does all of his talking

   'We are born wet, naked, and hungry. Then things get worse

   God's last name is not Dammit

   What is it with black guys randomly rehearsing an R&B/ rap lyric when walking down the street?

   Love: When you take a bubble bath together Lust: When you take a bath in Jell-o together Marriage: When you give the kids a bath

   As a lover, I'm about as impressive as a magician on the radio

   When Facebook Isnt Working, Twitter goes over capacity, (and MySpace remains unused,) some Americans will finally meet their neigbors

   I was the best man at the wedding. If I'm the best man, why is she marrying him?

   Some families can trace their ancestry back three hundred years, but can't tell you where their children were last night.

   Feel bad for eating sushi at my desk in front of my goldfish.

   They say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anyone who rested to death?

   "If you smacked a kid in the face with a bottle of Johnson's No More Tears, would it create beautiful irony?"