@dj_soltrix Funny Status Messages

   If I was homeless, I'd play it smart. My sign would say "Will have sex with any woman for food." That way, both of my needs are satisfied.

   MEAN PRANK: Replace Cocoa Puffs cereal with dry dog food.

   My girlfriend is a retard, but she has nice boobs...so it evens out.

   I shot my girlfriend with a cupid's arrow thinking that she would fall more in love with me, but now she's just laying there on the ground ignoring me.

   Does anyone know the name of that one song that doesn't have Pitbull in it?

   There's a styling salon down my street called "Blow Bar," and needless to say, I walked in excited thinking it was something else.

   The look on people's faces while waiting at a bus stop is the same look children make when they can't have any candy.

   To everyone on Facebook that plays Farmville or Cityville and sends me requests every hour of the day: Go hang yourselves.

   They should serve watermelons at every place in the world that has chicken on their menu.

   Instead of Hooters, they should call it "Flat-Chesters."

   You know you've entered a ghetto neighborhood when you see a pair of shoes hanging from a telephone wire.

   We should sentence Casey Anthony to 4 years of watching Tyler Perry movies.

   If women were born with remote controls, the most commonly used buttons would be: PAUSE, MUTE, FAST-FORWARD, and SLEEP.

   What's more unattractive to me than a woman who smokes? One who destroys her body with countless tattoos and piercings. Seriously, just stop. It's not sexy.

   Never trust a woman who takes pictures from the neck up.

   Would you rather date a woman with a beautiful body covered in tattoos, or a nicely decorated trash bag?

   Hey ladies, you know who finds your period attractive? Sharks.

   Hey ladies that still wear one-piece bathing suits: Nope.

   It really sucks being without a cell phone because now I have to give everyone 100% of my full attention.

   Marc Anthony: "Let it rain over me!" R. Kelly: "Are you sure?"