@daddybullfrog1 Funny Status Messages

   I've only got a couple more years in my "fat stage of life" before I start getting refer'd to as the "fat friend"

   You can safely say you live in the ghetto when you open your front door to the smell of hotdogs.

   Why does the Pope mobile have bulletproof glass? If the Pope is afraid to die, what chance does anyone else have!

   You couldn't get laid in a womens prison with a handful of pardons!

   It's not so much that "I don't like" my neighbors as "I hate 'em"

   Instead of going thru all the trouble of getting in shape I think I'll just adopt a catchey nickname like "THE OVER WEIGHT LOVER HEAVY J"

   Most important thing I learned today: My Talk to kids/Nice voice sounds INCREDIBLY HOMOSEXUAL

   I've bin so stressed lately I can't wait to get home and "bust a nut" and by "bust a nut" I mean I hope the wife bought pistachios!

   So I got out of having to hang with the inlaws by going to work. Good trade I say!

   Once they learn how to prevent pizza rolls from exploding out molten hot lava, then I'll believe in the ability if science.

   Just saw Dianna Ross on Oprah, wow I don't think I'll ever get an erection again

   I read at the end of the 20th century all Blacks were offered exodus from US slavery the only requirement was a boat ride back to Africa. But we know how blacks feel about water, ergo: they stayed!

   Was watching Bon Jovi unplugged was how I was gonna start this update til I realized I was admitting to watching Bon Jovi Unplugged!

   Just took a duce so big and hard I think it was my first gay experience

   I will no longer need your services REAL LIFE...I Now have MineCraft!

   Why does watching Twilight New Moon make me want to watch Teen Wolf!

   The wife and I to spice things up have been getting into S&M. But it can be dangerous so you have to have a safety word. Mine is "bor....ing"

   Life is like an iPhone, it's only as fun as the apps you have downloaded!!!!

   If I'm not gonna shower tonight I'm gonna at least baby wipe my hole and baby powder my balls. Same diff

   Just realized how sad it is when people watch reality tv rather than going out and having a reality!