@RonnieChapman Funny Status Messages

   saw a butterfly today with no wings, so I poured red bull on it and BAMMMM... it died :(

   If your boyfriend answers your text while playing Call of Duty, he doesn't love you. He just died on the game.

   I always keep an emergency $25 gift card in my back pocket for those unexpected gifts that I get from people I wasn't expecting to get a gift from..

   (Sigh) I Got kicked out of Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade , again...

   Ladies be careful when a dude asks you to come over and 'chill' it can lead to chill-dren

   I was half way to work when I realized I forgot my phone charger. I had to do what most people would have done... turn back around and go get it.

   Guys that try to pickup women on FaceBook are pathetic. Ladies if you agree DM me your number so we can talk about it...

   This whole rescue could have been avoided if he just stayed in his vehicle. He should have called it in and waited for ems to arrive.

   It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

   Girl I would strap 45 lb plates to my ball sack and swim up the Amazon river with Rosie O'Donnell's queef as my air supply to prove my value to you.

   You think the colts are going to win? You better Belichick yourself before you wreck yourself

   Making girls who "aren't like that," like that. All Day, Every day.

   I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life

   Got "White Boy Wasted" last night..  it's only right I go see The Hangover Part II today..  :)

   Them gas prices going down like White girls in a college town!