@OMFG_Rel8able Funny Status Messages

   "Are you as bored as I am?" Read that backwards, it still makes sense.

   I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, Shark, Help!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him

   BOY: "Hi" GIRL: "I have a boyfriend" BOY: "I said 'Hi' not suck my d!ck"

   Don't be judgmental. We're all screwed up.

   I hate when I'm eating cereal and the last 5 pieces are like "Try n' catch me bro!"

   My life will not be complete until I've walked away from an explosion in slow motion

   I'm going to open a store next to forever 21 and call it finally 22.

   Always be positive. *Trips down the stairs* "Wow, I got down those stairs fast!"

   The single most suspicious thing you can do when someone walks into the room is to minimize your browser

   When i'm available no one texts me. But when i'm busy... BAM! ...still no one texts me !!!

   Those cheap-ass pencils with erasers that fu*k up the paper more than the mistake you want to erase.

   If we're in a car and I love the song on the radio and you turn it down to tell me something, please know that I now hate you

   What's on the board: 2•54/57(7+5/8)²•ab-c³ What teacher sees: 2+2=4 What you see: すきうせちし what you remember: __________

   I Just Saw two homeless guys hitting eachother with cardboard; PILLOW FIGHT?!

   Dear children, When you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.

   It's funny how I'm afraid of losing you when your not even mine

   When People Say, "When I Was Little I..." And I'm Just Sitting There Awkwardly Like, "I Still Do That"....

   I disagree, but I respect your right to be stupid.!

   I remember when I was a kid I went on the computer just to use paint. :)

   Some guy waved to me and then walked up and said, “Sorry, I thought you were someone else.” I said, “I am.”!!!