Bridget Funny Status Messages

   I wrote a joke about the short duration of cocaine, in fact the joke itself is a one-liner.

   Yesterday I had a religious experience: I was repressed and beaten by a man in a black robe.

   A stranger stabs you in the front. A boyfriend stabs you in the heart. An enemy stabs you in the back but real friends don't carry knives.

   Officer says "Gee, Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?

   A necktie functions like a tourniquet, preventing excess blood from entering the head.

   Big Boobs makes my ADHD go crazy!

   Facts are busily being ground into meat.

   Chess Master Plots Brilliant Attack On Wife!

   Tattoos: Nothing like a permanent disfigurement to satisfy the whims of fashion.

   A good rule for facebook: Friends don't let friends friend non friends.