Funny Status Messages

   That prince in Sleeping Beauty doesn't get enough credit for kissing someone who hadn't brushed her teeth in forever

   Why do recipes say to "preheat oven?" Shouldn't it just be "heat oven?"

   When a guy says "I'm Fine" what he is really trying to say is that he is fine.

   A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer. That's all.

   No one has more to say than a woman who says she doesn't want to talk about it.

   As a parent you always worry that you want to raise your children to be productive members of society......and then you go to Walmart.

   Wildlife Fact: In the wild, otters can go for days without checking their phones

   it's so hot, Bloods and Crips have resorted to shooting each other with super soakers

   I've always wanted to lay naked on a bear skin rug in front of a fireplace. Unfortunately, Cracker Barrel has a policy against this.

   People don't want the ugly truth, they would prefer a beautiful lie.

   My grocery list is just a piece of paper saying ~ don't run into anyone you know.

   People who read tabloids deserve to be lied to.

   For once I’d like to get kicked INTO a bar

   The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.

   Aliens probably lock their doors when they ride past earth.

   If a Fire-Fighter's career can go up in smoke, and a plumber's career can go down the drain, can a hooker get laid off?

   You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.

   I wanted you, but couldn't find the cheat codes to the game you playing.

   After the doctor left the exam room from my prostate exam. The nurse came in with three words I didn't want to hear. "Who was that?"

   From the size of the crowd I would say wrong again .