gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   If we're gonna take this relationship to the next level, at some point you'll have to loosen my straps

   I love taking the grocery store up on their offer to carry my groceries out to my car for me

   i got stoned yesterday, tough crowds in Iran

   It's complicated" is just code for, "I'm willing to cheat."

   ive started drinking raw milk. no homo

   surprisingly Going on a killing spree has a minimal impact on your credit score.

   I just called Chaz Bono "lady" now I'm sitting back and watching the fire works

   Just when I thought I hit rock bottom, a wild trap door appears and prove me wrong.

   "Does anybody know what time it really is?" - man with an irrational distrust of watches and clocks.

   If you can spell Mississippi, you probably live in Mississippi.

   My friend invited me over to play COD and now I'm dressed up in a fish costume. This is not what I was expecting.

   You are the only person who will see you wearing your novelty boxer shorts.

   I have just enough ketchup packets in my desk drawer at work to successfully fake my own death

   I thought I saw Keira Knightley laying by the side of the road but it turned out to be a fallen tree branch.

   "Business in the front, party in the back" would be a terrible slogan for a medical clinic.

   "You gotta have Faith!" -enthusiastic review of a brothel on Yelp.

   When people ask me "How's life?", I sing them the chorus of Akon's Lonely while crying and slowly walk away.

   The first thing I do before a fight is put my invisible armor on then crawl into a ball and beg for them not to beat m

   Love is when you wake up with your boxers around your ankles and your hands full of peanut butter, right?.

   A dog will never borrow money from you, and that's why he's man's best friend.