Vitamin N Funny Status Messages

   Officially out of Liquor Stores within a 25km radius that don't Recognize me as soon as I walk in the door...

   Schizophrenic...and So am I

   Someone stole all my Credit Cards but, I won't be Reporting it.....The Thief spends Less than my Wife did.

   hates it when he asks someone a question and they start their answer with "Honestly?"......No! Please lie to me, that's what I was hoping for.....idiots!

   iPad...for when you have your iPeriod

   When times are Tough, you know who your Real Friends are. When times are Easy...you know who your Drinking Friends are!

   Seriously, iPhone...Stop correcting all my 'F#CK"s to "DUCK"s. It makes my Strongly-worded texts sound Cute and Adorable...

   remembers when Vampires were Scary, not Sexy...

   has developed his own H1N1 Vaccine consisting of: NyQuil, Tylenol-3, Vodka, Rohypnol, Benadryl, OxyContin, Spiced Rum and a hint of Lemon. ---Directions: Drink One Full Glass every hour to Remove all Care and Worry about the H1N1 virus.....

   wonders When did LuLuLemon become the preferred clothing line for overweight and out of shape people?

   My Wife says I'm too Immature, and if I don't Grow Up it's going to erect a barrier between us .....Hee Hee Hee....Erect

   thinks it's funny that "LOL" has gone from meaning "Laugh Out Loud" to "I have Nothing Else To Say"

   : If Blind people wear Dark Glasses...why don't Deaf people wear Earmuffs?

   wonders...If 7-11 is open 24hrs a Day, 365 Days a year......Why are there locks on the door?

   started taking Gingko Biloba pills to improve his Memory...but, he keeps forgetting to take them!

   learned a lot about relationships from Super Mario Bros.....sometimes, You have to pound a few Dragons to get to the Princess

   doesn't understand what the fascination is with Camping...You work hard all year to pay your Mortgage/Rent, only to spend your vacation pretending you're Homeless

   thought he had Swine Flu....it turns out he was just really bored

   may have Memory Loss but, at least he doesn't have Memory Loss