Rick h. Funny Status Messages

   Two words that should never be together: Redneck Couture

   Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.

   This Yorkie is eating up our retirement money. I'm serious. She found the shoebox under the bed.

   anyone's Facebook acting strange today? Mine just tried to fondle me....

   Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to....

   Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...

   Watched way too much Shark week episodes last week. I fell off a pool float yesterday in the pool and started panicking.....

   Note to self: Lets keep those intimate times to ourselves..

   OMG! Anyone know the number of the water treatment plant? I need to let em know I just sent something their way that is going to cause trouble when it gets there....Lordy Lordy Lordy!

   I like to write out my self-worth in roman numerals. It looks so much more impressive.

   Casey Anthony didn't even get a slap on the hand. She did however get her fingers dirty by getting fingerprinted.

   America... the only country in the world where not buckling your child in a seatbelt carries a bigger penalty than murdering your child.

   Now thinking that I had the 455.00 back that I spent on fireworks....

   Lindsay Lohan has been released, so hide your jewelry....

   My neighbor must have not paid her internet bill. I can't get on the internet.

   Just found out this Beanie Baby collection was not a great investment.

   After several hours of intense negotiating at the car dealership, I'm happy to say that I'm the proud owner of a 30ft. inflatible Gorilla...Yeah baby.....

   You put a little vodka in the Jello shots and its all ok, but let me put in a little cystal meth and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy.....

   After seeing Jennifer Aniston new boyfriend, I just realized that possibly I did have a chance....

   Three things I cannot do: (1) pass up a piece of cake, (2) say "rural" and (3) open a can of biscuits without yelling when it pops.